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Friend Or Foe: Chapter 15 Alone Awkward Tanner
I sat there, quietly. Staring. My brother's gravestone in front of me. My tears were falling down my cheeks silently. But they always did when I came to this graveyard. I read the words etched into the stone over and over. A fallen soldier. He is loved and will be missed. I thought my parents could've done a lot better than that, it was so uncreative. It made my blood boil to know that they didn't give a damn about what was put there. I was the fucking only family member that did care. I was the only one that cried. Hell, Dad wasn't even there.
I mean, sure, Damien had made some mistakes in the past that Mom and Dad looked down upon, but he wasn't a horrible person. The fact that they practically disowned them broke my heart, because he died without ever making up with our parents. I stared down at my phone in my other hand. I was debating on whether or not to call my dad and talk to him. Sure, I was the favorite child and they wouldn't give up a chance to talk to me. But I was never able to call them 'star parents' when truth was, they should have never had kids.
You know it hurts when they tell their oldest child that them being conceived was a mistake. But when they have their second child and she was also a mistake but they lie and say she wasn't, that's just cold and mean to the first child. My parents cold be cold and heartless. That was for sure.
But I guess the main mistake my brother ever made, in my parents eyes, was joining the marines. Mom and Dad hated him for doing that. I thought they should've been proud, their son was going out to protect his country. But our parents were immigrants so they weren't totally 'for' USA. Mom was still hung up on the French whereas my dad was a strong Portuguese. Being 40% Portuguese, 30% French, 20% English, and 10% Norwegian is a strong European heritage.
And I could never forget that. My mom was worse than my dad about it though. I didn't mind my dad's side though, because Portuguese people did some funny things. But, off that subject.
I sat there, my eyes tracing the same 10 words, over and over. Just thinking about all the times I shared with my brother. We were extremely close. He was only two years older than me and was also close friends with Jeff, Shane, Matt, Shannon, Juli, Shelly, and Tanner. When he died, it took a toll on all of our emotions, me the worst obviously. 5 years to this day. It still stung. Jeff and Shane had both been calling me all morning, but I never answered. Shannon left a message on my home phone, I didn't answer. Juli showed up at my door, I acted like I wasn't home.
I didn't want to be bothered. Not today. Not the anniversary of his death. My hand fell from the cold stone. I cupped my face in my hands and cried harder, soft sobs echoing throughout the empty graveyard. “Violet.” a soft voice said. A voice I didn't expect to hear. But I didn't respond, just kept crying. It seemed like the right thing to do.
He sat down beside me and I glanced over. But halfway through my turn I caught of glimpse of who it was and turned back. I covered my face again and continued crying. Why does he have to be here? “I knew you'd be here,” he said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I flinched slightly and cried harder. “Violet, please don't cry,” he whispered. I shook my head.
Matt. Why did he have to be here? Why couldn't I just be alone? !!! I'm so messed up right now, he's not what I need, or is he? “Were you looking for me?” I asked. He nodded, “yeah, I remembered what today was and wanted to come find you. Make sure you were okay,” he answered. “I'm fine,” I said flatly. “Happy, you can go now.”
I heard him sigh heavily. “No, not happy. Violet, I really would like to talk to you,” he said, pushing my bangs behind my ears. I didn't flinch away this time, but involuntarily leaned into his touch. Some part of me, deep down inside will always love him. No matter how much I hated that part of me. Tears slipped down my cheeks silently and Matt leaned closer to me.
He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to him. He kissed my hair whispering that everything would be okay. “I know,” I mumbled, “it always is. No thanks to you.” He didn't pull away, or respond to that. He just ignored it and continued holding me, I really wanted to pull away. But that part of me forced me not to. He kissed my ear, my cheek, and went for my lips but I pulled away sharply, finally having full control.
“No Matt. We are done. I won't do this ever again,” I told him meeting his eyes. He took my hands in his, “Violet, I'm in love with you and I know you love me. Don't hide it, don't deny it! YOU FUCKING LOVE ME!” He yelled, pushing me back onto the grass. He was on top of me, kissing me before I could even push him away. I protested but, him being a guy, he had more strength than me, so I was kinda screwed.
He pulled away to breathe and I somehow reached a hand up and slapped him across his right cheek. “Leave me the fuck alone Matt,” I spat at him. “No, Violet. Not until you tell me you love me and give me another chance,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “No Matt. We're over. You don't deserve a fucking second chance!” I yelled. “I want you Violet,” his voice was low and seducing, and lust gleamed in his eyes.
If there was one thing he loved about our relationship in the past; it was definitely the sex. I'm not gonna deny that we both aren't good, well, obviously to have him so addicted I must be pretty good. God, that disgusted me. He held me down. Not in a fucking graveyard. Of all the places we've done it, not a graveyard. Not when we're not even together! He was going to force himself upon me.
“Violet?!?” I had never been so relieved to hear that outraged voice. Matt was off me in a flash, but not before the two witnesses saw. I lifted myself up on my elbows and stared at the two people glaring at Matt. Shane and Carmichael Helms. I had never been so happy to see the two siblings. Shane went straight for Matt while Carmichael came to my side. I felt so fucking violated. Carmi placed a hand on my arm gently. “I don't know what the hell has gotten into him,” she muttered.
True, of all people that should know, Carmi should. She was extremely close to Matt. But I'm guessing due to his recent actions that they weren't as close as they usually are. She looked at me worriedly. “Did he go...um...too far?” she asked uncertainly. I sat there in silence, not looking at her, just staring at my brother's gravestone. My life is seriously fucked up.
I snapped out of my daze when I felt a warm hand on my cheek. “Tabby? Honey, are you alright?” Shane. Shane was kneeling down next to me, Carmichael was on my other side. “Where is he?” I asked in a raspy whisper. “Gone.” Carmi and Shane said at the same time. I nodded tiredly. Matt and his drama always made me fucking tired.
“Carmi, drive my car back. I'll take Vio,” he told his sister. She nodded and stood. Shane slipped his arms under me and picked me up bridal style. He carried me back to the parking lot and to my house. When we got there, Jeff, Juli, Shannon, Shelly, and Tanner? What the fuck is she doing here? “Shane, ho-alert,” I joked dryly. “I know, I know,” he whispered to me softly while Carmi ran over to Juli and Jeff to fill them in. She had called them while Shane had been carrying me to the car.
Shannon opened the door for Shane and I to walk through. Shane carried me up the stairs and into my room. He laid me down on my bed and turned to leave. “Shane,” I whispered softly, tears building in my eyes. He turned back to me, “yeah Tabby?” I met his warm eyes. “I don't want to be alone right now, can you just...lay with me?” I asked nervously. He smiled tenderly. “Of course Tabby,” he said, climbing onto the bed next to me. He took me into his arms, wrapping me in them.
He was so warm and comforting that I instantly fell asleep in his arms.
I woke up and instantly knew that Shane wasn't there. But someone else was; Shannon. “Hey Mama bugga bugga,” he said softly. I smiled at the nickname. Shelly, who was sitting across the room from us, cocked an eyebrow, confused by the nickname. “Mama Bugga bugga?” she asked, trying to hold back he laughter, “isn't that from Dora the Explorer?”
I laughed along with Shannon and I was surprised by how relaxed he was acting around Shelly. “Well, yeah it is,” I replied, still sounding tired. “Why did you call her Mama bugga bugga?” She asked Shannon, actually addressing him. I smiled to myself, at least someone's love life didn't suck as much as mine. “Well, Violet and I one day where babysitting Ashleigh and she was watching Dora the Explorer. And we thought it was hilarious how they had Mama bugga bugga and Baby bugga bugga, and seeing how Vio is older than me I just started calling her that cause we all know one day she'll be a great mom,” Shannon explained.
Shelly smiled, “that's true. So are you Baby bugga bugga?” she asked him. He nodded, “yep, I'm her baby,” he joked while tickling me. I started giggling. “Baby bugga bugga stop!” I squealed. He finally stopped and I just laid there leaning on him. “How long did I sleep?” I asked. Shannon's smile disappeared, “two and a half hours,” he answered. I nodded so it was around 3:30. I sat up, staring down at the blanket. “Guys, we all have to go see him,” I said quietly. “I agree with Violet,” it was Juli.
She had come into the room while I had been talking to Shannon. Shelly nodded in agreement and glared at Shannon until he nodded too. That made me smile. Shane, Jeff, and oh god Tanner, she's still here. Juli turned to Jeff, “Vio thinks we should go see Damien,” she informed the newcomers. I couldn't help but notice that Tanner was staring at me. He big blue eyes looked regretful and apologetic but I didn't dare look up at her.
“I think Tabby's right,” I recognized Shane's voice. I smiled, whenever there was a debate Shane always agreed with me. “We should go,” Jeff said, looking over at Tanner. “I think we'll leave you two alone to talk,” Jeff said, nudging Tanner toward me. I purposefully turned my head away. Shane came over to me while everyone else filed out of the room. Shannon gave me a quick hug then left with Shelly in tow. She smiled back at me and Juli waved bye, she grabbed Jeff's hand and he blew me a kiss then they left Tanner, Shane, and I in there.
“Tabby, just talk to her. There's some things she wants to tell you,” he whispered to me. I met his warm eyes. Then I noticed someone was missing. “Where's Carmi?” he smiled, Carmi and I were like twins, we always got along and had similar personalities, likes, and dislikes. Shannon swears we were twins separated at birth but god i'm glad i'm not Shane's sister. Did I really just think that. Um, right.
“She's downstairs, she said she'd talk to you after Tanner, kay?” he said with a slight smile. I nodded, “sure.” Then he left. Tanner and I. In one room. Together. A-fucking-lone. Sooooooooooo awkward. “Um, Violet, can I sit... on the bed?” she asked. “Sure,” I said coldly. No way was I forgiving this bitch.
“Violet...” she began... “I—I...”
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I mean, sure, Damien had made some mistakes in the past that Mom and Dad looked down upon, but he wasn't a horrible person. The fact that they practically disowned them broke my heart, because he died without ever making up with our parents. I stared down at my phone in my other hand. I was debating on whether or not to call my dad and talk to him. Sure, I was the favorite child and they wouldn't give up a chance to talk to me. But I was never able to call them 'star parents' when truth was, they should have never had kids.
You know it hurts when they tell their oldest child that them being conceived was a mistake. But when they have their second child and she was also a mistake but they lie and say she wasn't, that's just cold and mean to the first child. My parents cold be cold and heartless. That was for sure.
But I guess the main mistake my brother ever made, in my parents eyes, was joining the marines. Mom and Dad hated him for doing that. I thought they should've been proud, their son was going out to protect his country. But our parents were immigrants so they weren't totally 'for' USA. Mom was still hung up on the French whereas my dad was a strong Portuguese. Being 40% Portuguese, 30% French, 20% English, and 10% Norwegian is a strong European heritage.
And I could never forget that. My mom was worse than my dad about it though. I didn't mind my dad's side though, because Portuguese people did some funny things. But, off that subject.
I sat there, my eyes tracing the same 10 words, over and over. Just thinking about all the times I shared with my brother. We were extremely close. He was only two years older than me and was also close friends with Jeff, Shane, Matt, Shannon, Juli, Shelly, and Tanner. When he died, it took a toll on all of our emotions, me the worst obviously. 5 years to this day. It still stung. Jeff and Shane had both been calling me all morning, but I never answered. Shannon left a message on my home phone, I didn't answer. Juli showed up at my door, I acted like I wasn't home.
I didn't want to be bothered. Not today. Not the anniversary of his death. My hand fell from the cold stone. I cupped my face in my hands and cried harder, soft sobs echoing throughout the empty graveyard. “Violet.” a soft voice said. A voice I didn't expect to hear. But I didn't respond, just kept crying. It seemed like the right thing to do.
He sat down beside me and I glanced over. But halfway through my turn I caught of glimpse of who it was and turned back. I covered my face again and continued crying. Why does he have to be here? “I knew you'd be here,” he said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I flinched slightly and cried harder. “Violet, please don't cry,” he whispered. I shook my head.
Matt. Why did he have to be here? Why couldn't I just be alone? !!! I'm so messed up right now, he's not what I need, or is he? “Were you looking for me?” I asked. He nodded, “yeah, I remembered what today was and wanted to come find you. Make sure you were okay,” he answered. “I'm fine,” I said flatly. “Happy, you can go now.”
I heard him sigh heavily. “No, not happy. Violet, I really would like to talk to you,” he said, pushing my bangs behind my ears. I didn't flinch away this time, but involuntarily leaned into his touch. Some part of me, deep down inside will always love him. No matter how much I hated that part of me. Tears slipped down my cheeks silently and Matt leaned closer to me.
He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to him. He kissed my hair whispering that everything would be okay. “I know,” I mumbled, “it always is. No thanks to you.” He didn't pull away, or respond to that. He just ignored it and continued holding me, I really wanted to pull away. But that part of me forced me not to. He kissed my ear, my cheek, and went for my lips but I pulled away sharply, finally having full control.
“No Matt. We are done. I won't do this ever again,” I told him meeting his eyes. He took my hands in his, “Violet, I'm in love with you and I know you love me. Don't hide it, don't deny it! YOU FUCKING LOVE ME!” He yelled, pushing me back onto the grass. He was on top of me, kissing me before I could even push him away. I protested but, him being a guy, he had more strength than me, so I was kinda screwed.
He pulled away to breathe and I somehow reached a hand up and slapped him across his right cheek. “Leave me the fuck alone Matt,” I spat at him. “No, Violet. Not until you tell me you love me and give me another chance,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “No Matt. We're over. You don't deserve a fucking second chance!” I yelled. “I want you Violet,” his voice was low and seducing, and lust gleamed in his eyes.
If there was one thing he loved about our relationship in the past; it was definitely the sex. I'm not gonna deny that we both aren't good, well, obviously to have him so addicted I must be pretty good. God, that disgusted me. He held me down. Not in a fucking graveyard. Of all the places we've done it, not a graveyard. Not when we're not even together! He was going to force himself upon me.
“Violet?!?” I had never been so relieved to hear that outraged voice. Matt was off me in a flash, but not before the two witnesses saw. I lifted myself up on my elbows and stared at the two people glaring at Matt. Shane and Carmichael Helms. I had never been so happy to see the two siblings. Shane went straight for Matt while Carmichael came to my side. I felt so fucking violated. Carmi placed a hand on my arm gently. “I don't know what the hell has gotten into him,” she muttered.
True, of all people that should know, Carmi should. She was extremely close to Matt. But I'm guessing due to his recent actions that they weren't as close as they usually are. She looked at me worriedly. “Did he go...um...too far?” she asked uncertainly. I sat there in silence, not looking at her, just staring at my brother's gravestone. My life is seriously fucked up.
I snapped out of my daze when I felt a warm hand on my cheek. “Tabby? Honey, are you alright?” Shane. Shane was kneeling down next to me, Carmichael was on my other side. “Where is he?” I asked in a raspy whisper. “Gone.” Carmi and Shane said at the same time. I nodded tiredly. Matt and his drama always made me fucking tired.
“Carmi, drive my car back. I'll take Vio,” he told his sister. She nodded and stood. Shane slipped his arms under me and picked me up bridal style. He carried me back to the parking lot and to my house. When we got there, Jeff, Juli, Shannon, Shelly, and Tanner? What the fuck is she doing here? “Shane, ho-alert,” I joked dryly. “I know, I know,” he whispered to me softly while Carmi ran over to Juli and Jeff to fill them in. She had called them while Shane had been carrying me to the car.
Shannon opened the door for Shane and I to walk through. Shane carried me up the stairs and into my room. He laid me down on my bed and turned to leave. “Shane,” I whispered softly, tears building in my eyes. He turned back to me, “yeah Tabby?” I met his warm eyes. “I don't want to be alone right now, can you just...lay with me?” I asked nervously. He smiled tenderly. “Of course Tabby,” he said, climbing onto the bed next to me. He took me into his arms, wrapping me in them.
He was so warm and comforting that I instantly fell asleep in his arms.
I woke up and instantly knew that Shane wasn't there. But someone else was; Shannon. “Hey Mama bugga bugga,” he said softly. I smiled at the nickname. Shelly, who was sitting across the room from us, cocked an eyebrow, confused by the nickname. “Mama Bugga bugga?” she asked, trying to hold back he laughter, “isn't that from Dora the Explorer?”
I laughed along with Shannon and I was surprised by how relaxed he was acting around Shelly. “Well, yeah it is,” I replied, still sounding tired. “Why did you call her Mama bugga bugga?” She asked Shannon, actually addressing him. I smiled to myself, at least someone's love life didn't suck as much as mine. “Well, Violet and I one day where babysitting Ashleigh and she was watching Dora the Explorer. And we thought it was hilarious how they had Mama bugga bugga and Baby bugga bugga, and seeing how Vio is older than me I just started calling her that cause we all know one day she'll be a great mom,” Shannon explained.
Shelly smiled, “that's true. So are you Baby bugga bugga?” she asked him. He nodded, “yep, I'm her baby,” he joked while tickling me. I started giggling. “Baby bugga bugga stop!” I squealed. He finally stopped and I just laid there leaning on him. “How long did I sleep?” I asked. Shannon's smile disappeared, “two and a half hours,” he answered. I nodded so it was around 3:30. I sat up, staring down at the blanket. “Guys, we all have to go see him,” I said quietly. “I agree with Violet,” it was Juli.
She had come into the room while I had been talking to Shannon. Shelly nodded in agreement and glared at Shannon until he nodded too. That made me smile. Shane, Jeff, and oh god Tanner, she's still here. Juli turned to Jeff, “Vio thinks we should go see Damien,” she informed the newcomers. I couldn't help but notice that Tanner was staring at me. He big blue eyes looked regretful and apologetic but I didn't dare look up at her.
“I think Tabby's right,” I recognized Shane's voice. I smiled, whenever there was a debate Shane always agreed with me. “We should go,” Jeff said, looking over at Tanner. “I think we'll leave you two alone to talk,” Jeff said, nudging Tanner toward me. I purposefully turned my head away. Shane came over to me while everyone else filed out of the room. Shannon gave me a quick hug then left with Shelly in tow. She smiled back at me and Juli waved bye, she grabbed Jeff's hand and he blew me a kiss then they left Tanner, Shane, and I in there.
“Tabby, just talk to her. There's some things she wants to tell you,” he whispered to me. I met his warm eyes. Then I noticed someone was missing. “Where's Carmi?” he smiled, Carmi and I were like twins, we always got along and had similar personalities, likes, and dislikes. Shannon swears we were twins separated at birth but god i'm glad i'm not Shane's sister. Did I really just think that. Um, right.
“She's downstairs, she said she'd talk to you after Tanner, kay?” he said with a slight smile. I nodded, “sure.” Then he left. Tanner and I. In one room. Together. A-fucking-lone. Sooooooooooo awkward. “Um, Violet, can I sit... on the bed?” she asked. “Sure,” I said coldly. No way was I forgiving this bitch.
“Violet...” she began... “I—I...”
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