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Friend Or Foe: Chapter 18 You Are My Sunshine
When I opened my eyes my vision was still blurry. I blinked back the tears and my vision cleared. “Mama, you up?” Shannon whispered. I nodded and sniffled. I lifted my head and Shannon sat up. I pushed my bangs out of my eyes and placed my elbows on my knees and held my face in my hands. Shannon sat next to me and rubbed my back comfortingly. He rested his chin on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me.
“You okay?” he asked softly. “I'm fine,” I said, my voice perfectly clear. “You aren't crying?” he asked, surprised. I nodded and bit my lip to fight back the smile. “I'm not crying. I'm—I don't know what I'm feeling,” I said lifting my head and smiling at Shannon. He smiled back, “now that's the beautiful smile of yours I like to see,” Shannon said ruffling my hair. “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” I squeaked, shooing his hands away.
He finally stopped and instead tackled me with a hug. We fell onto the ground off the locker room's couch giggling and laughing. Shannon tickled me and made my smile brighten. I finally pushed him off of me and accidentally kneed him in the stomach. “Ouch!!! You hurt me!” he cried, feigning unimaginable pain. I laughed at his face and then wrapped my arms around him. “Do you want Mama Bugga Bugga to kiss it better?” I asked. “Yes pwease,” he said in a baby voice.
A giggled escaped my lips and I kissed his cheek. “Hey, that's not where you kicked me,” he complained. “Well that's all you're gonna get,” I said giggling. Shannon rolled his eyes and I narrowed mine at him. “Don't do Shane and Carmi's eye roll! It's annoying after a while,” I said pinching his cheek. “Ahhh! I'll stop, I'll stop! Just please, please, please don't pinch my cheeks anymore Mama!” he pleaded. “Fine,” I agreed lying back on the floor beside him.
He laid back down and we both stared at the ceiling. “So, you really had no idea about Shane did you?” Shannon questioned. “Well, I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I knew. But the attraction between us is something that... I don't know how to explain it. I guess, how I see it; is that if we date and it doesn't end well and we break up we're probably gonna hate each other or never get over each other. And I couldn't handle not having Shane as an extremely close friend. And I don't want to be jealous of every woman he has in his life,” I tried to describe what I was thinking.
“So you do have feelings for him. You're just...worried?” Shannon said, sounding confused but when I turned to look at him I saw his grin. I punched his arm and he responded with an 'ouch' and then I smiled. I shrugged and shook my head, “I—I guess so Shan, I'm just, hesitant,” I replied. “You don't need to be hesitant. Vio, it's Shane. The Shane that has always been overprotective of you. The Shane that always had to bail you and Carmi out of trouble. The Shane that when a guy broke your heart he would go kick said guy's ass. He-he,” Shannon stopped.
I turned my head and studied him. “It's not for me to say,” he finally finished. I bit my lip in thought as I turned my head up to the ceiling. “Sh—I,” I stopped and just stared. I heard Shannon turn his head and look at me. He studied my blank expression trying to figure out what was going on in my mind. I took a deep breath and blinked the tears away. I felt Shannon's fingers brush my cheek. “Don't cry Mama, I'm tired of watching you cry,” he said softly.
Despite my now depressed mood, I grinned at the ceiling. “Do I need to give you more examples?” Shannon asked, cocking an eyebrow. “No-no, Shannon. I need to think about all of this before I actually agree or turn down anything,” I sighed. “So, you could maybe, just maybe, give him a chance?” Shannon asked, sitting up on his elbows.
I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Hey—what did you say about the eye roll?” Shannon said pointing a finger at me. I smirked. “I don't know Shannon. It's possible. But after Matt, I'm hesitant to date a close friend,” I told him. “Yeah, I guess that's understandable,” he laughed then pulled me closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest. He stroked my hair and began to sing quietly. I sang along with him softly.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.” We sang together. By the time we stopped I was smiling again. “Can I ask you something Shan?” I asked him. “Well, you just did,” he replied cheekily. “Ass,” I muttered. “Yes, Vio, yes you can,” he chuckled. “How long have you known?” I asked him. “About what?” he asked, not getting it. “How long have you known about Shane, uh, liking me?” I clarified my question.
Shannon sighed, “really, I don't exactly remember when he told me. I know I knew before Jeff Carmi and Matt did but after he told Juli. He figured he'd tell one of your best friends first and ask her if she knew if you liked him back. But no one knows how you feel, about any of us,” Shannon laughed lightly. “Well, now we know, uh er...Matt...” he trailed off.
“Yeah, I guess I kept my feelings to myself mainly,” I laughed dryly. “You should let us in,” Shannon said, rubbing my shoulder. I sighed, “it's hard, ya know. My family has never been the easiest and I never really trusted my family except for Damien. He was the only person I ever told everything to,” I said running a hand over my face. “i know Vio. Trust me, Shane hated seeing how horrible you took his death. It nearly killed us all. None of us could laugh or be happy when we all knew you weren't happy with us,” Shannon sighed.
“Shane was that worried?” I asked in a whisper. “Vio, he'd do anything to make you happy. I'm pretty sure he'd risk his life for you. Vio...” he trailed off with a sigh. I felt the tears building behind my closed eyelids. “I love him Shan, I fucking love him. I want to be with him, but I can't. I'm not good enough for him. He deserves someone so much better than me,” I sobbed, turning on my side to cry on Shannon's chest.
“Shhh, shhh. Vio, please stop. I can't bare to see you like this,” Shannon whispered. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. “Please, Violet.” he whispered. My body tensed up. Shannon never used my full name. He was always calling me Mama Bugga Bugga or Vio. Never Violet. And I suddenly started crying harder. He continued talking. “Violet, if you love him you should tell him. He deserves to know-,” I cut him off. “NO! He can't know! I can't tell him! After what I said earlier. I told him we couldn't and I would sound so stupid if I went up to him now and told him that I loved him and wanted to started dating him. Oh, my god Shannon. Did you ever realize that the name Violet Helms doesn't sound that bad. Violet Rosalie Helms. That would be my name,” my words dissolved into tears.
Shannon was frozen but he quickly composed himself. I felt him sit up, pulling me with him. He rested his chin atop my head and looked across the room. “Shan. Violet. What did you just say?” It was Jeff and he sounded shocked. “Jeff. Please. She's been through enough today. I really don't think her repeating all that would be a good thing,” Shannon told Jeff.
“She needs to tell him,” Jeff said, sounding angry. “No Jeff. She does not! It's her decision who she tells. She didn't tell you, so act as if you heard nothing.” Shan said protectively. “Shannon I can't just act as if I heard none that! It's not possible! It was hard enough knowing that Shane loved her but I couldn't tell her. And now I know she loves him back and he's just fucking unresponsive but I still can't tell anyone!!!” Jeff yelled.
Shannon's voice was soft when he spoke to me. “Violet, it's your decision.” I shook my head. “I'm sorry Jeff, but you can't tell him,” I said, my voice cracked. I heard Jeff groan then leave, slamming the locker room door shut behind him.
We sat there in silence. Shannon let me cry on his shoulder for as long as I wanted. Some time while I was crying he turned the TV in the locker room on. We sat quietly and watched Jeff's match against Edge. I was certainly not pleased when Matt interfered. That just got me pissed. And because of Matt, Jeff lost.
Of course Matt got a microphone and spoke. He really wanted a 1 on 1 match with Jeff next week. Well. If he wanted that match and Jeff was going to do it, I would go with Jeff. That's all there is to it. Jeff would be reluctant to fight his brother. Who wouldn't?
But then. Edge speared Jeff. Great. Just great. So now. One of my best friends is mad at me cause I won't tell my closest friend ever, that I love him. And I do love him. I know that now. God it took me forever to realize that. Grr! Damn Matt, he's ruining my whole fucking life. I hate this. All of this.
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“You okay?” he asked softly. “I'm fine,” I said, my voice perfectly clear. “You aren't crying?” he asked, surprised. I nodded and bit my lip to fight back the smile. “I'm not crying. I'm—I don't know what I'm feeling,” I said lifting my head and smiling at Shannon. He smiled back, “now that's the beautiful smile of yours I like to see,” Shannon said ruffling my hair. “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” I squeaked, shooing his hands away.
He finally stopped and instead tackled me with a hug. We fell onto the ground off the locker room's couch giggling and laughing. Shannon tickled me and made my smile brighten. I finally pushed him off of me and accidentally kneed him in the stomach. “Ouch!!! You hurt me!” he cried, feigning unimaginable pain. I laughed at his face and then wrapped my arms around him. “Do you want Mama Bugga Bugga to kiss it better?” I asked. “Yes pwease,” he said in a baby voice.
A giggled escaped my lips and I kissed his cheek. “Hey, that's not where you kicked me,” he complained. “Well that's all you're gonna get,” I said giggling. Shannon rolled his eyes and I narrowed mine at him. “Don't do Shane and Carmi's eye roll! It's annoying after a while,” I said pinching his cheek. “Ahhh! I'll stop, I'll stop! Just please, please, please don't pinch my cheeks anymore Mama!” he pleaded. “Fine,” I agreed lying back on the floor beside him.
He laid back down and we both stared at the ceiling. “So, you really had no idea about Shane did you?” Shannon questioned. “Well, I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I knew. But the attraction between us is something that... I don't know how to explain it. I guess, how I see it; is that if we date and it doesn't end well and we break up we're probably gonna hate each other or never get over each other. And I couldn't handle not having Shane as an extremely close friend. And I don't want to be jealous of every woman he has in his life,” I tried to describe what I was thinking.
“So you do have feelings for him. You're just...worried?” Shannon said, sounding confused but when I turned to look at him I saw his grin. I punched his arm and he responded with an 'ouch' and then I smiled. I shrugged and shook my head, “I—I guess so Shan, I'm just, hesitant,” I replied. “You don't need to be hesitant. Vio, it's Shane. The Shane that has always been overprotective of you. The Shane that always had to bail you and Carmi out of trouble. The Shane that when a guy broke your heart he would go kick said guy's ass. He-he,” Shannon stopped.
I turned my head and studied him. “It's not for me to say,” he finally finished. I bit my lip in thought as I turned my head up to the ceiling. “Sh—I,” I stopped and just stared. I heard Shannon turn his head and look at me. He studied my blank expression trying to figure out what was going on in my mind. I took a deep breath and blinked the tears away. I felt Shannon's fingers brush my cheek. “Don't cry Mama, I'm tired of watching you cry,” he said softly.
Despite my now depressed mood, I grinned at the ceiling. “Do I need to give you more examples?” Shannon asked, cocking an eyebrow. “No-no, Shannon. I need to think about all of this before I actually agree or turn down anything,” I sighed. “So, you could maybe, just maybe, give him a chance?” Shannon asked, sitting up on his elbows.
I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Hey—what did you say about the eye roll?” Shannon said pointing a finger at me. I smirked. “I don't know Shannon. It's possible. But after Matt, I'm hesitant to date a close friend,” I told him. “Yeah, I guess that's understandable,” he laughed then pulled me closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest. He stroked my hair and began to sing quietly. I sang along with him softly.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.” We sang together. By the time we stopped I was smiling again. “Can I ask you something Shan?” I asked him. “Well, you just did,” he replied cheekily. “Ass,” I muttered. “Yes, Vio, yes you can,” he chuckled. “How long have you known?” I asked him. “About what?” he asked, not getting it. “How long have you known about Shane, uh, liking me?” I clarified my question.
Shannon sighed, “really, I don't exactly remember when he told me. I know I knew before Jeff Carmi and Matt did but after he told Juli. He figured he'd tell one of your best friends first and ask her if she knew if you liked him back. But no one knows how you feel, about any of us,” Shannon laughed lightly. “Well, now we know, uh er...Matt...” he trailed off.
“Yeah, I guess I kept my feelings to myself mainly,” I laughed dryly. “You should let us in,” Shannon said, rubbing my shoulder. I sighed, “it's hard, ya know. My family has never been the easiest and I never really trusted my family except for Damien. He was the only person I ever told everything to,” I said running a hand over my face. “i know Vio. Trust me, Shane hated seeing how horrible you took his death. It nearly killed us all. None of us could laugh or be happy when we all knew you weren't happy with us,” Shannon sighed.
“Shane was that worried?” I asked in a whisper. “Vio, he'd do anything to make you happy. I'm pretty sure he'd risk his life for you. Vio...” he trailed off with a sigh. I felt the tears building behind my closed eyelids. “I love him Shan, I fucking love him. I want to be with him, but I can't. I'm not good enough for him. He deserves someone so much better than me,” I sobbed, turning on my side to cry on Shannon's chest.
“Shhh, shhh. Vio, please stop. I can't bare to see you like this,” Shannon whispered. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. “Please, Violet.” he whispered. My body tensed up. Shannon never used my full name. He was always calling me Mama Bugga Bugga or Vio. Never Violet. And I suddenly started crying harder. He continued talking. “Violet, if you love him you should tell him. He deserves to know-,” I cut him off. “NO! He can't know! I can't tell him! After what I said earlier. I told him we couldn't and I would sound so stupid if I went up to him now and told him that I loved him and wanted to started dating him. Oh, my god Shannon. Did you ever realize that the name Violet Helms doesn't sound that bad. Violet Rosalie Helms. That would be my name,” my words dissolved into tears.
Shannon was frozen but he quickly composed himself. I felt him sit up, pulling me with him. He rested his chin atop my head and looked across the room. “Shan. Violet. What did you just say?” It was Jeff and he sounded shocked. “Jeff. Please. She's been through enough today. I really don't think her repeating all that would be a good thing,” Shannon told Jeff.
“She needs to tell him,” Jeff said, sounding angry. “No Jeff. She does not! It's her decision who she tells. She didn't tell you, so act as if you heard nothing.” Shan said protectively. “Shannon I can't just act as if I heard none that! It's not possible! It was hard enough knowing that Shane loved her but I couldn't tell her. And now I know she loves him back and he's just fucking unresponsive but I still can't tell anyone!!!” Jeff yelled.
Shannon's voice was soft when he spoke to me. “Violet, it's your decision.” I shook my head. “I'm sorry Jeff, but you can't tell him,” I said, my voice cracked. I heard Jeff groan then leave, slamming the locker room door shut behind him.
We sat there in silence. Shannon let me cry on his shoulder for as long as I wanted. Some time while I was crying he turned the TV in the locker room on. We sat quietly and watched Jeff's match against Edge. I was certainly not pleased when Matt interfered. That just got me pissed. And because of Matt, Jeff lost.
Of course Matt got a microphone and spoke. He really wanted a 1 on 1 match with Jeff next week. Well. If he wanted that match and Jeff was going to do it, I would go with Jeff. That's all there is to it. Jeff would be reluctant to fight his brother. Who wouldn't?
But then. Edge speared Jeff. Great. Just great. So now. One of my best friends is mad at me cause I won't tell my closest friend ever, that I love him. And I do love him. I know that now. God it took me forever to realize that. Grr! Damn Matt, he's ruining my whole fucking life. I hate this. All of this.
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