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Friend Or Foe: Chapter 8 Tabby
“Hey, Matt, get up you lazy ass,” I giggled poking his side. “Someone's getting a little fat,” I mumbled to myself. Matt groaned. “Five more minutes Tanner,” he mumbled into the pillow. “What!?! Did you just call me Tanner?” I yelled getting up off the bed. “Are you fucking kidding me Matt?” I was pissed. He was up now, “what? No, I didn't call you Tanner,” he said trying to cover his own ass. “Yes, you just did. You said and I quote 'five more minutes Tanner.' what the hell does that mean?” I growled.
I stared at Matt, my boyfriend. My always sweet, always adorable, always loving, always caring, always faithful, boyfriend, or so I thought. Now, I feel like all of that was a lie. “You've been seeing her, haven't you? You've been cheating on me! You were fucking sleeping with my old best friend who you got pregnant and then you lefther to take care of it by herself! You said,when you asked me out, that you wanted nothing to do with that baby! What happened to you not caring! Why would you do this to me?” I was gone, all the rationality that I had gained growing up was now gone in a whirlwind of emotions.
It was obvious by what Matt mumbled in his half-sleep that he had slept with Tanner. He had been with Tanner all those times he said he was going to visit his 'dad.' Bull shit. Now I get it. That's why he was always so out of it around me when he got back. He felt guilty. He damn well should be guilty. But he didn't need to say anything, I figured it all out, without words. “Matt I never want to see you ever fucking again!” I yelled grabbing my shoes, throwing my miscellaneous items into my suitcase, zipping it up and leaving the hotel room. We were over. He could sleep with fucking Tanner now, I didn't care. Forget him. Please Violet, just forget him.
* * *
I sat straight up. Awake. Gasping for breath. That morning had replayed itself in my dreams, more like nightmares, since we got back on the road. I shuddered as I felt the tears prick my eyes. Don't cry! Don't you dare fucking cry! Violet! I knew I didn't want to awake Shane. If he saw me crying he would be able to put two and two together and understand that I was definitely hiding something from him. He couldn't know. It would make everything worse, everything!
I started sobbing, not really realizing it. I just sat there, covering my face with my hands, and cried. I don't know how long I sat there and cried but it just made me even crazier. Every more moment that I cried I felt worse and worse. It was horrible, but I couldn't stop. My shoulders shook my hair fell hectically around my face, and my eyes ached from my nonstop tears. My hands were numb and cold from my tears, my tears were cold. Not warm like your normal tears. They weren't warm, or soft, they were icy and wet and depressing.
Then Shane's arm was placed around my shoulders. “Violet, shh, what's wrong,” his soft voice was by my ear. His other arm was wrapped around me as well. He rubbed my bare shoulder. The warmth of his skin on my freezing flesh shocked me out of my crying haze. My hands dropped from my face and I turned into his chest. He rubbed my back soothingly, trying to calm my new bout of tears.
I finally stopped crying and now was just shaking with tear-less and soundless sobs. Suddenly, something overtook me. I have no idea what. But Shane was so warm and inviting; I couldn't help my self. I kissed his neck; once, twice, then set a trail of kisses down his neck to his collar bone and back up. His hand stopped rubbing my back. He smelt so good; woodsy, sweet, and deliciously familiar. I felt more than heard his breath hitch. I felt a shiver run through his body which only encouraged me, oddly. My lips traveled upward still. Past his ear, his cheek. I was just about to place a final kiss on his lips when he pushed me away, gently, but it still caused a shocking hurt.
He stood and took not several, but a few steps away from my bedside. I was breathing quickly and heavily. Almost hyperventilating. I licked my lips. I could still taste his skin. Why the fuck are you thinking about the way he tastes? Violet, what's wrong with you?!? “Violet! What the hell is going on?” Shane yelled, angling his body away from me. I shifted my gaze from him to the floral wallpaper of our shared hotel room. I shook my head. “Shane,” my voice cracked as the tears came back, “please don't hate me,” I sobbed cupping my face in my hands again and crying into my lap.
I felt so alone even though Shane was standing less than ten feet away from me. I felt his gaze return to me, and it wasn't angry. I don't know what it was because I didn't look up. “Vio, I'm not gonna hate you for—er—what you did,” he whispered walking back over to my bed. He knelt down beside me. He tucked my bangs behind my ear and pried my hands from my face. “Violet, look at me,” he said quietly trying to turn my face toward him. “No, I—I can't. You're going to hate me. I—I'm so—so sorry, Shane,” I choked out between cries.
“Vio, I could never hate you,” he said tenderly. He stoked my cheek gently and then took my hand in his tracing circles on the back of my hand. “Violet, what are you talking about?” he asked slightly worried. “I-I couldn't tell you, Shane. You'd have been so mad at me. I would have hurt you and you would have been disappointed, I hate when I disappoint you!” I said, my hand was shaking in his. I glanced at his face for a nanosecond; confusion, worry, concern, hurt, disbelief, frustration. All of those emotions played on his face in that half-a-second.
“Just tell me dammit!” he yelled. That pushed me over the edge of indecisiveness. “I dated Matt for seven months and none of us ever told you because we knew you would be against it,” I rushed out quickly. “And I was so happy. And I slept with him Shane, multiple times, and I know you probably think I'm the most disgusting piece of trash on the Earth now, but he made me so happy,” I was crying harder than ever but somehow my words were still clear. “And then he cheated on me. I got the idea in his head. He found her, Shane. He found her, one time, and he slept with her. She doesn't have a kid, not his, not anyone's but he still cheated on me, with her!” I screamed.
Shane froze, taking it all in. “Matt... He cheated on you?” he finally spoke. I nodded, not able to put together any more sentences. “That fucking weasel,” Shane muttered angrily. “Who? Me?” I squeaked, scared that he would hate me for the rest of my life. Shane's eyes met mine and his face instantly softened. He touched my cheek with his hand that wasn't holding mine, “no Violet. Not you,” he bit his lip. “But I'm going to kill Matt next time I see him,” he mumbled not really wanting me to hear. That made me smile. He looked back at me, “but you and Matt still talk. And the other day, you were the only one he would talk to. And before that...?” he sounded confused.
I nodded, “I know... Everything seems normal... I got over it once Matt told me that Tanner didn't have his kid and that it was only one time,” I sighed. “Do you really believe him?” Shane asked in disbelief. “Not now, but then, yeah I did,” I replied glancing up at him. His expression was one of understanding. Now, he wasn't in the dark about anything. He knew everything. Okay, maybe not in complete detail, but he knew the main facts.
“Hey, scoot over,” he said softly, nudging me in my side. I smiled at him, thankful for his understanding. I moved over and made room for Shane. He got up from his kneeling position and sat down on the bed next to me. He rested his back against the headboard and I nestled myself against his side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I chuckled softly. “What?” he asked raising an eyebrow. “I probably look like hell,” I laughed dryly. “No, you're much prettier than hell,” he said with a smile. I returned his smile and chuckled happily this time.
“Just, don't hide things like that from me anymore,” he said kissing my temple. “Sure,” I said closing my eyes. I rested my head on his strong shoulder and he laid his cheek atop my head.
I opened my eyes to a bright light shining through the window. I squinted my eyes then turned my head. I was surprised to find Shane still laying beside me. My head way lying on his chest. He was so warm. I snuggled back against him. This just felt so normal.
Back in high school I dated this guy named Jason Herald. And well, he wasn't the greatest boyfriend ever. Actually, he was a horrible boyfriend, worse than Matt even. He didn't cheat on me. But he was abusive. Let's just say Matt, Jeff, Shannon, and (mainly) Shane beat the crap out of him once I spilled the whole ordeal to them. I was so afraid by that point that I never got any sleep. I would wake up from nightmares, screaming, crying, totally freaked. Shane lived next next door and figured it out by the way I was so fatigued lately. So, one night he came over and he asked my parents if he could sleep over.
Of course, my parents didn't know about the abusive boyfriends. I was good at hiding the evidence. My parents trusted Shane, and the rest of our crew. So, they didn't think twice to agreeing to let him stay over. He came upstairs while I was getting ready for bed. I had just finished getting dressed after my daily shower. I was pulling the towel off my hair and drying it when Shane walked in.
* * *
“Hey,” Shane said in greeting. “Oh, hey,” I said, sounding slightly confused. “What are you doing here?” I asked. “I'm spending the night,” he said in a normal conversational tone. “Really?” I asked quirking and eyebrow. He smiled at me, “yes. I figured since you stay up all night that you could use some company for once,” he replied with a shrug.
“How do you know about my nightmares?” I asked dropping the towel in my hand. He looked up at me, “I just figured it out Vio. You've been really tired ever since you split up with 'him.'” We didn't use 'his' name any more. I looked away, “was it that obvious?” I asked ashamed at my sloppy acting skills. “Only to me. I know you too well,” he smiled. “So, you don't mind staying here?” I asked, not wanting to be a burden of a friend. “I don't mind at all, Tabby,” he said using my childhood nickname which I had earned because of my love of cats. So Tabby as in Tabby-cat.
I'm a mega animal lover! I love all animals but dogs and cats are my favorites. My dad is the only vet in Cameron, North Carolina. Back to the conversation. So, for the rest of the night we hung out, watched wrestling on TV, and just chilled. It was nice to have someone around who actually always understood me. He was always here to protect me and that was just... I don't know? Cool?...Hot?...Sweet?...Any of those things I guess.
Shane and I were sitting on the floor in front of my TV. I had my head resting on his shoulder as we watched a movie. I wasn't paying any attention to it. I was too tired to. My eyes drooped and I started to nod off. But I forced myself to stay awake. “Violet, you can go to sleep. I'm right here if you need me,” he whispered softly in my ear. I smiled sleepily and nodded. I laid my head back down on his shoulder and instantly fell asleep.
I woke up halfway through the night sobbing, panting, and completely scared out of my mind. Shane was there instantly, wrapping me in his arms. He stroked my hair trying to calm me. “Violet, it's not real. It was just a dream, don't worry,” he kept whispering over and over again. Finally, the tears stopped. “Tabby, tell me what happens in the dream,” he demanded gently. So I explained every single detail of the dream to him. And telling someone about it actually helped.
I never had the nightmare ever again.
* * *
Shane ran a hand through my hair, signaling to me that he was awake. “Good morning Tabby,” he said, his voice still heavy with sleep. “You haven't called me that since high school,” I said with a happy smile. “It just seemed right.” he stated giving me a half shrug and a lazy smile.
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I stared at Matt, my boyfriend. My always sweet, always adorable, always loving, always caring, always faithful, boyfriend, or so I thought. Now, I feel like all of that was a lie. “You've been seeing her, haven't you? You've been cheating on me! You were fucking sleeping with my old best friend who you got pregnant and then you lefther to take care of it by herself! You said,when you asked me out, that you wanted nothing to do with that baby! What happened to you not caring! Why would you do this to me?” I was gone, all the rationality that I had gained growing up was now gone in a whirlwind of emotions.
It was obvious by what Matt mumbled in his half-sleep that he had slept with Tanner. He had been with Tanner all those times he said he was going to visit his 'dad.' Bull shit. Now I get it. That's why he was always so out of it around me when he got back. He felt guilty. He damn well should be guilty. But he didn't need to say anything, I figured it all out, without words. “Matt I never want to see you ever fucking again!” I yelled grabbing my shoes, throwing my miscellaneous items into my suitcase, zipping it up and leaving the hotel room. We were over. He could sleep with fucking Tanner now, I didn't care. Forget him. Please Violet, just forget him.
* * *
I sat straight up. Awake. Gasping for breath. That morning had replayed itself in my dreams, more like nightmares, since we got back on the road. I shuddered as I felt the tears prick my eyes. Don't cry! Don't you dare fucking cry! Violet! I knew I didn't want to awake Shane. If he saw me crying he would be able to put two and two together and understand that I was definitely hiding something from him. He couldn't know. It would make everything worse, everything!
I started sobbing, not really realizing it. I just sat there, covering my face with my hands, and cried. I don't know how long I sat there and cried but it just made me even crazier. Every more moment that I cried I felt worse and worse. It was horrible, but I couldn't stop. My shoulders shook my hair fell hectically around my face, and my eyes ached from my nonstop tears. My hands were numb and cold from my tears, my tears were cold. Not warm like your normal tears. They weren't warm, or soft, they were icy and wet and depressing.
Then Shane's arm was placed around my shoulders. “Violet, shh, what's wrong,” his soft voice was by my ear. His other arm was wrapped around me as well. He rubbed my bare shoulder. The warmth of his skin on my freezing flesh shocked me out of my crying haze. My hands dropped from my face and I turned into his chest. He rubbed my back soothingly, trying to calm my new bout of tears.
I finally stopped crying and now was just shaking with tear-less and soundless sobs. Suddenly, something overtook me. I have no idea what. But Shane was so warm and inviting; I couldn't help my self. I kissed his neck; once, twice, then set a trail of kisses down his neck to his collar bone and back up. His hand stopped rubbing my back. He smelt so good; woodsy, sweet, and deliciously familiar. I felt more than heard his breath hitch. I felt a shiver run through his body which only encouraged me, oddly. My lips traveled upward still. Past his ear, his cheek. I was just about to place a final kiss on his lips when he pushed me away, gently, but it still caused a shocking hurt.
He stood and took not several, but a few steps away from my bedside. I was breathing quickly and heavily. Almost hyperventilating. I licked my lips. I could still taste his skin. Why the fuck are you thinking about the way he tastes? Violet, what's wrong with you?!? “Violet! What the hell is going on?” Shane yelled, angling his body away from me. I shifted my gaze from him to the floral wallpaper of our shared hotel room. I shook my head. “Shane,” my voice cracked as the tears came back, “please don't hate me,” I sobbed cupping my face in my hands again and crying into my lap.
I felt so alone even though Shane was standing less than ten feet away from me. I felt his gaze return to me, and it wasn't angry. I don't know what it was because I didn't look up. “Vio, I'm not gonna hate you for—er—what you did,” he whispered walking back over to my bed. He knelt down beside me. He tucked my bangs behind my ear and pried my hands from my face. “Violet, look at me,” he said quietly trying to turn my face toward him. “No, I—I can't. You're going to hate me. I—I'm so—so sorry, Shane,” I choked out between cries.
“Vio, I could never hate you,” he said tenderly. He stoked my cheek gently and then took my hand in his tracing circles on the back of my hand. “Violet, what are you talking about?” he asked slightly worried. “I-I couldn't tell you, Shane. You'd have been so mad at me. I would have hurt you and you would have been disappointed, I hate when I disappoint you!” I said, my hand was shaking in his. I glanced at his face for a nanosecond; confusion, worry, concern, hurt, disbelief, frustration. All of those emotions played on his face in that half-a-second.
“Just tell me dammit!” he yelled. That pushed me over the edge of indecisiveness. “I dated Matt for seven months and none of us ever told you because we knew you would be against it,” I rushed out quickly. “And I was so happy. And I slept with him Shane, multiple times, and I know you probably think I'm the most disgusting piece of trash on the Earth now, but he made me so happy,” I was crying harder than ever but somehow my words were still clear. “And then he cheated on me. I got the idea in his head. He found her, Shane. He found her, one time, and he slept with her. She doesn't have a kid, not his, not anyone's but he still cheated on me, with her!” I screamed.
Shane froze, taking it all in. “Matt... He cheated on you?” he finally spoke. I nodded, not able to put together any more sentences. “That fucking weasel,” Shane muttered angrily. “Who? Me?” I squeaked, scared that he would hate me for the rest of my life. Shane's eyes met mine and his face instantly softened. He touched my cheek with his hand that wasn't holding mine, “no Violet. Not you,” he bit his lip. “But I'm going to kill Matt next time I see him,” he mumbled not really wanting me to hear. That made me smile. He looked back at me, “but you and Matt still talk. And the other day, you were the only one he would talk to. And before that...?” he sounded confused.
I nodded, “I know... Everything seems normal... I got over it once Matt told me that Tanner didn't have his kid and that it was only one time,” I sighed. “Do you really believe him?” Shane asked in disbelief. “Not now, but then, yeah I did,” I replied glancing up at him. His expression was one of understanding. Now, he wasn't in the dark about anything. He knew everything. Okay, maybe not in complete detail, but he knew the main facts.
“Hey, scoot over,” he said softly, nudging me in my side. I smiled at him, thankful for his understanding. I moved over and made room for Shane. He got up from his kneeling position and sat down on the bed next to me. He rested his back against the headboard and I nestled myself against his side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I chuckled softly. “What?” he asked raising an eyebrow. “I probably look like hell,” I laughed dryly. “No, you're much prettier than hell,” he said with a smile. I returned his smile and chuckled happily this time.
“Just, don't hide things like that from me anymore,” he said kissing my temple. “Sure,” I said closing my eyes. I rested my head on his strong shoulder and he laid his cheek atop my head.
I opened my eyes to a bright light shining through the window. I squinted my eyes then turned my head. I was surprised to find Shane still laying beside me. My head way lying on his chest. He was so warm. I snuggled back against him. This just felt so normal.
Back in high school I dated this guy named Jason Herald. And well, he wasn't the greatest boyfriend ever. Actually, he was a horrible boyfriend, worse than Matt even. He didn't cheat on me. But he was abusive. Let's just say Matt, Jeff, Shannon, and (mainly) Shane beat the crap out of him once I spilled the whole ordeal to them. I was so afraid by that point that I never got any sleep. I would wake up from nightmares, screaming, crying, totally freaked. Shane lived next next door and figured it out by the way I was so fatigued lately. So, one night he came over and he asked my parents if he could sleep over.
Of course, my parents didn't know about the abusive boyfriends. I was good at hiding the evidence. My parents trusted Shane, and the rest of our crew. So, they didn't think twice to agreeing to let him stay over. He came upstairs while I was getting ready for bed. I had just finished getting dressed after my daily shower. I was pulling the towel off my hair and drying it when Shane walked in.
* * *
“Hey,” Shane said in greeting. “Oh, hey,” I said, sounding slightly confused. “What are you doing here?” I asked. “I'm spending the night,” he said in a normal conversational tone. “Really?” I asked quirking and eyebrow. He smiled at me, “yes. I figured since you stay up all night that you could use some company for once,” he replied with a shrug.
“How do you know about my nightmares?” I asked dropping the towel in my hand. He looked up at me, “I just figured it out Vio. You've been really tired ever since you split up with 'him.'” We didn't use 'his' name any more. I looked away, “was it that obvious?” I asked ashamed at my sloppy acting skills. “Only to me. I know you too well,” he smiled. “So, you don't mind staying here?” I asked, not wanting to be a burden of a friend. “I don't mind at all, Tabby,” he said using my childhood nickname which I had earned because of my love of cats. So Tabby as in Tabby-cat.
I'm a mega animal lover! I love all animals but dogs and cats are my favorites. My dad is the only vet in Cameron, North Carolina. Back to the conversation. So, for the rest of the night we hung out, watched wrestling on TV, and just chilled. It was nice to have someone around who actually always understood me. He was always here to protect me and that was just... I don't know? Cool?...Hot?...Sweet?...Any of those things I guess.
Shane and I were sitting on the floor in front of my TV. I had my head resting on his shoulder as we watched a movie. I wasn't paying any attention to it. I was too tired to. My eyes drooped and I started to nod off. But I forced myself to stay awake. “Violet, you can go to sleep. I'm right here if you need me,” he whispered softly in my ear. I smiled sleepily and nodded. I laid my head back down on his shoulder and instantly fell asleep.
I woke up halfway through the night sobbing, panting, and completely scared out of my mind. Shane was there instantly, wrapping me in his arms. He stroked my hair trying to calm me. “Violet, it's not real. It was just a dream, don't worry,” he kept whispering over and over again. Finally, the tears stopped. “Tabby, tell me what happens in the dream,” he demanded gently. So I explained every single detail of the dream to him. And telling someone about it actually helped.
I never had the nightmare ever again.
* * *
Shane ran a hand through my hair, signaling to me that he was awake. “Good morning Tabby,” he said, his voice still heavy with sleep. “You haven't called me that since high school,” I said with a happy smile. “It just seemed right.” he stated giving me a half shrug and a lazy smile.
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