A Walk To Remember: Chapter 24 One Last Kiss Goodbye
sarah -
" no matt, can't you please stay for just one more day."
"sarah, you know if i could i would, i have too."
"ask vince? he'll let you."
"you know he won't, look, we have all day today, lets spend as much of it, without fighting."
"i'm not fighting, i just don't want you too leave."
"it's not my choice. now come on lets do something else."
ever since he told me that he had to go home tomorrow i've been sad, it's not going to be the same with school starting and him not being around. i didn't want him to go, i wanted him to stay with me forever, obviously forever was ending too soon.
"fine, then lets go to the park...i want to go there."
"the park it is, just show the way."
"it's right on lake michigan, by the beach, is that okay?"
"ahh the beach, of course."
he drove me to the beach, he called today my day, and we could do whatever i wanted to do, but i had no clue what i wanted to do besides stay with him. we went to the beach and went for a swim, following by swinging on the swings and going down the slides, and playing on the teetor totter. i knew he had a little kid inside of him. afterwords we went out for ice cream and then the carnival.
i'm beginning to think i like 'my day'. we went on the farris wheel. that's when it hit me that we only had a few hours left before he was going to leave and i'd barely get to see him again. i being to cry and he put his arm around me and his hand in mine.
"i don't want you to leave me, you promised."
"sarah, i'm not leaving, it's a see you later, and you know i will."
"it's going to change everything."
"the only way anything is going to change is if you change it."
"i'm not going too."
"then we'll be fine, come on lets go home, i have to get my stuff anyways."
the whole car ride home i was silent, words couldn't explain how it felt. it was like someone giving you a million dollers you spending it all and then them saying they want it all back, only a billion times worse.
matt -
she didn't know how hard this was on me. i was trying to stay strong for her because i could tell she was hurt, but on the inside i was just as torn up. i didn't want to leave at all, but she has school and i can't be distracting her, and vince said i was missing too much work anyways.
"matt, your leaving in an hour, do you know that?"
"i know, just try to to think of it okay?"
"i'll try but i can't promise anything."
she was crying and it killed me that there was nothing i could say to make her feel better. theres nothing good about goodbye. i knew something she didn't though, vince was keeping me on the road for a year or longer, we were touring all over everywhere but u.s. part of a showing the whole world program. i wouldn't be able to see her for a year or so, as long as i was on the road, i couldn't be with her.
it was time for her to go to bed, and my flight was while she was sleeping. i had to tell her everything on my mind before i left, everything.
"sarah hun?"
"yeah matt?"
she was crying worse then before, she was trying to hide it, but she was terrible at that. i came over and sat down on her bed, i grabbed her by the waist and pulled her onto my lap so i could hold her.
"i want to tell you everything thats on my mind before i go okay?"
"yeah, only if you promise to end it on a good note."
"i promise."
"then go."
"i feel sick inside, because i can't believe this is happening, me staying away from you. promise me you'll try to love the little things in life like running in the rain, those will make you happy. i hope you never know what it's like to leave everything you love at home. because as of right now i know. i want you too know i won't be able to visit you for a year or longer, it's not my choice, or i'd be with you here every second of every day, i love you sarah, and i don't ever want you to forget that, ever you hear me? i don't want you to ever grow up and think we weren't meant to be together. we were and are. i asked your mom for permission for you to be my girlfriend, i was going to ask her if i could marry you. because i love you that much. but as for now, heres one last kiss goodbye."
she was crying, so much pain on her face, and i couldn't change it, my flight left in a few minutes and that was that. i grabbed her and started kissing her, she kissed back but you could taste the pain on her lips, her tears were now running down my face, and i wanted to take her pain away,
but in reality i only caused more. i never knew something so wrong could feel so right, but it did with her, everything fell into place, and i knew she was the one, i always knew that but tonight confirmed it, i held her until she fell asleep, then i gave her her one last kiss goodbye and left,
knowing she'd move on and find someone else over the course of time, and so would i. thats the way life works, but also knowing that no matter how many new people we met and fell in love with, i will always coming running back to her.
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" no matt, can't you please stay for just one more day."
"sarah, you know if i could i would, i have too."
"ask vince? he'll let you."
"you know he won't, look, we have all day today, lets spend as much of it, without fighting."
"i'm not fighting, i just don't want you too leave."
"it's not my choice. now come on lets do something else."
ever since he told me that he had to go home tomorrow i've been sad, it's not going to be the same with school starting and him not being around. i didn't want him to go, i wanted him to stay with me forever, obviously forever was ending too soon.
"fine, then lets go to the park...i want to go there."
"the park it is, just show the way."
"it's right on lake michigan, by the beach, is that okay?"
"ahh the beach, of course."
he drove me to the beach, he called today my day, and we could do whatever i wanted to do, but i had no clue what i wanted to do besides stay with him. we went to the beach and went for a swim, following by swinging on the swings and going down the slides, and playing on the teetor totter. i knew he had a little kid inside of him. afterwords we went out for ice cream and then the carnival.
i'm beginning to think i like 'my day'. we went on the farris wheel. that's when it hit me that we only had a few hours left before he was going to leave and i'd barely get to see him again. i being to cry and he put his arm around me and his hand in mine.
"i don't want you to leave me, you promised."
"sarah, i'm not leaving, it's a see you later, and you know i will."
"it's going to change everything."
"the only way anything is going to change is if you change it."
"i'm not going too."
"then we'll be fine, come on lets go home, i have to get my stuff anyways."
the whole car ride home i was silent, words couldn't explain how it felt. it was like someone giving you a million dollers you spending it all and then them saying they want it all back, only a billion times worse.
matt -
she didn't know how hard this was on me. i was trying to stay strong for her because i could tell she was hurt, but on the inside i was just as torn up. i didn't want to leave at all, but she has school and i can't be distracting her, and vince said i was missing too much work anyways.
"matt, your leaving in an hour, do you know that?"
"i know, just try to to think of it okay?"
"i'll try but i can't promise anything."
she was crying and it killed me that there was nothing i could say to make her feel better. theres nothing good about goodbye. i knew something she didn't though, vince was keeping me on the road for a year or longer, we were touring all over everywhere but u.s. part of a showing the whole world program. i wouldn't be able to see her for a year or so, as long as i was on the road, i couldn't be with her.
it was time for her to go to bed, and my flight was while she was sleeping. i had to tell her everything on my mind before i left, everything.
"sarah hun?"
"yeah matt?"
she was crying worse then before, she was trying to hide it, but she was terrible at that. i came over and sat down on her bed, i grabbed her by the waist and pulled her onto my lap so i could hold her.
"i want to tell you everything thats on my mind before i go okay?"
"yeah, only if you promise to end it on a good note."
"i promise."
"then go."
"i feel sick inside, because i can't believe this is happening, me staying away from you. promise me you'll try to love the little things in life like running in the rain, those will make you happy. i hope you never know what it's like to leave everything you love at home. because as of right now i know. i want you too know i won't be able to visit you for a year or longer, it's not my choice, or i'd be with you here every second of every day, i love you sarah, and i don't ever want you to forget that, ever you hear me? i don't want you to ever grow up and think we weren't meant to be together. we were and are. i asked your mom for permission for you to be my girlfriend, i was going to ask her if i could marry you. because i love you that much. but as for now, heres one last kiss goodbye."
she was crying, so much pain on her face, and i couldn't change it, my flight left in a few minutes and that was that. i grabbed her and started kissing her, she kissed back but you could taste the pain on her lips, her tears were now running down my face, and i wanted to take her pain away,
but in reality i only caused more. i never knew something so wrong could feel so right, but it did with her, everything fell into place, and i knew she was the one, i always knew that but tonight confirmed it, i held her until she fell asleep, then i gave her her one last kiss goodbye and left,
knowing she'd move on and find someone else over the course of time, and so would i. thats the way life works, but also knowing that no matter how many new people we met and fell in love with, i will always coming running back to her.
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