A Walk To Remember: Chapter 14 I'm So In Love With Two
I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes. Wasn't exactly the best sight.
I layed there in bed, not wanting to get up, I didn't really have anything in plan for today and had a ton to think about. So that was my idea for today just lay in bed and think. I heard a knock on the door and yelled come in. Like I said I was much to lazy to get up and get it. It was Jeff. Not something i'm used to seeing around here.
"Jeff? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Matt called and told me he'd be gone for a few house shows, he wanted to make sure you were safe so he told me to stop by every now and then."
"I'm pretty sure i'm safe, but thanks."
I laughed. It amused me how cautious Matt was of me. He was almost over pro-
tective. But more like he just cared.
"So How are you Jeff?"
"I'm tired, 15 hour flights, do that too you, how about you?"
"I'm good, well i'm confused but good none the less."
I watched him shift his weight between his feet, I could tell he wasn't comfortable.
He most likely just wanted to lay down so I let him.
"Jeff, you can sit down, I don't bite...hard"
Both him and I laughed and I watched him awkwardly make his way to the bed. He sat down with his back against the headboard.
"You know he loves you right?"
Great we were back to talking about Matt, just when I was forgetting all my problems.
"Yeah and I love him too."
"Good."
It got silent. He stared at the ceiling and I stared at my feet. About 5 minutes went by and I couldn't take it anymore.
"I want to know what he meant, I want to know why your acting weird."
"You barely know me, I don't think you can tell when i'm acting weird or not, and I don't think I can tell you what he meant he'd have to show you."
"Why can't you show me? I really hate secrets."
"I can't Sarah, that's just not right. And everyone has their secrets even me."
I stared at him, I wanted to know what his secrets were. You could always tell by watching him, that he had many, just you could never tell what was going on in his mind.
"Your confusing Jeff, please can you tell me something about you, anything."
"I'm confusing? Not nearly as you, trust me I've heard stories. I don't just share my secrets with anyone."
"Your hurt Jeff, look at yourself, when you go in the ring, it's a fake smile,
when you talk to me, you act like nothings going on when something is, your eyes, they tell it all."
"Your a very obvservant little girl."
"You have to be around here, so many 'secrets' I can't know about."
"It's not that you can't know, it's just not the time too know."
"Your ignoring my question though, your eyes? I mean."
"Well, I doubt I can get into quite complex things as i'm going through."
"Try me, I'm a very mis understood person, and many people assume wrong."
"Fine lets try, but if you don't understand i'm not going to continue on, fair?"
"Very."
"Beth? You know her. I've dated her 9 almost 10 years but she's bossy. Don't get me wrong I love her but she tries to control everything I do. Remember when I used to dye my hair over and over again, now it's a 'you can only dye it twice a month.' And thats just the half of it. And the drugs, oh man the drugs. You don't know how many times i've been tempted to do them, Just staring at them, holding them,
knowing I could easily throw everything away for them. It's hard like you couldn't ever believe."
"Jeff?"
"Yeah?"
"Wait. I can believe. I've wanted something so bad that I couldn't/ shouldn't have, I've known I could throw everything away for it. I understand. I also understand that what i'm about to do is wrong and you need to forgive me for it."
"Forgive you fo.."
I cut him off. I kissed him on the cheek and made my way to his lips. Afterwords I sat there curled in his arms crying. I wanted Matt so much, that I thought my way to him was through Jeff. & the sad thing was, that I enjoyed it.
"Sarah, you can't do this."
"I know..."
"Your 14, I consider this wrong, only reason i'm not saying anything to Matt, is because I don't want it too ruin you two. But honestly no."
"Jeff, what if I told you I was lost, that I was in love with him, but you seem just as amazing."
"You can't think that way Sarah, I won't let you. Listen i'm going to go see my dad i'll check on you later?"
"yeah Bye."
Why is it me that screws everything up. Could it be possible to be in love with 2? No I can't be, especially because I barely know Jeff. I love Matt. I do..I love him...I think.
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I layed there in bed, not wanting to get up, I didn't really have anything in plan for today and had a ton to think about. So that was my idea for today just lay in bed and think. I heard a knock on the door and yelled come in. Like I said I was much to lazy to get up and get it. It was Jeff. Not something i'm used to seeing around here.
"Jeff? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Matt called and told me he'd be gone for a few house shows, he wanted to make sure you were safe so he told me to stop by every now and then."
"I'm pretty sure i'm safe, but thanks."
I laughed. It amused me how cautious Matt was of me. He was almost over pro-
tective. But more like he just cared.
"So How are you Jeff?"
"I'm tired, 15 hour flights, do that too you, how about you?"
"I'm good, well i'm confused but good none the less."
I watched him shift his weight between his feet, I could tell he wasn't comfortable.
He most likely just wanted to lay down so I let him.
"Jeff, you can sit down, I don't bite...hard"
Both him and I laughed and I watched him awkwardly make his way to the bed. He sat down with his back against the headboard.
"You know he loves you right?"
Great we were back to talking about Matt, just when I was forgetting all my problems.
"Yeah and I love him too."
"Good."
It got silent. He stared at the ceiling and I stared at my feet. About 5 minutes went by and I couldn't take it anymore.
"I want to know what he meant, I want to know why your acting weird."
"You barely know me, I don't think you can tell when i'm acting weird or not, and I don't think I can tell you what he meant he'd have to show you."
"Why can't you show me? I really hate secrets."
"I can't Sarah, that's just not right. And everyone has their secrets even me."
I stared at him, I wanted to know what his secrets were. You could always tell by watching him, that he had many, just you could never tell what was going on in his mind.
"Your confusing Jeff, please can you tell me something about you, anything."
"I'm confusing? Not nearly as you, trust me I've heard stories. I don't just share my secrets with anyone."
"Your hurt Jeff, look at yourself, when you go in the ring, it's a fake smile,
when you talk to me, you act like nothings going on when something is, your eyes, they tell it all."
"Your a very obvservant little girl."
"You have to be around here, so many 'secrets' I can't know about."
"It's not that you can't know, it's just not the time too know."
"Your ignoring my question though, your eyes? I mean."
"Well, I doubt I can get into quite complex things as i'm going through."
"Try me, I'm a very mis understood person, and many people assume wrong."
"Fine lets try, but if you don't understand i'm not going to continue on, fair?"
"Very."
"Beth? You know her. I've dated her 9 almost 10 years but she's bossy. Don't get me wrong I love her but she tries to control everything I do. Remember when I used to dye my hair over and over again, now it's a 'you can only dye it twice a month.' And thats just the half of it. And the drugs, oh man the drugs. You don't know how many times i've been tempted to do them, Just staring at them, holding them,
knowing I could easily throw everything away for them. It's hard like you couldn't ever believe."
"Jeff?"
"Yeah?"
"Wait. I can believe. I've wanted something so bad that I couldn't/ shouldn't have, I've known I could throw everything away for it. I understand. I also understand that what i'm about to do is wrong and you need to forgive me for it."
"Forgive you fo.."
I cut him off. I kissed him on the cheek and made my way to his lips. Afterwords I sat there curled in his arms crying. I wanted Matt so much, that I thought my way to him was through Jeff. & the sad thing was, that I enjoyed it.
"Sarah, you can't do this."
"I know..."
"Your 14, I consider this wrong, only reason i'm not saying anything to Matt, is because I don't want it too ruin you two. But honestly no."
"Jeff, what if I told you I was lost, that I was in love with him, but you seem just as amazing."
"You can't think that way Sarah, I won't let you. Listen i'm going to go see my dad i'll check on you later?"
"yeah Bye."
Why is it me that screws everything up. Could it be possible to be in love with 2? No I can't be, especially because I barely know Jeff. I love Matt. I do..I love him...I think.
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